


the ghost of you is close to me

by intothefirewego



Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Canon Compliant, Canon Temporary Character Death, Graphic Description, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Sad, Temporary Character Death, at the end, it's really sad, no really guys, star-crossed lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-15 15:44:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18672685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intothefirewego/pseuds/intothefirewego
Summary: Doctor Stephen Strange watches Tony Stark die 9,465,892 times.A look into the lives Stephen Strange lives in the 14,000,605 battles he sees in Infinity War.





	the ghost of you is close to me

**Author's Note:**

> !!WARNING: SPOILERS AT THE END FOR AVENGERS: ENDGAME !!
> 
> title is taken from "goner" by twenty-one pilots, because this is super edgy
> 
> this power couple barely interacted in endgame and i needed some ironstrange content
> 
> this is about to be very tragic, so hold on tight

Doctor Stephen Strange watches Tony Stark die 9,465,892 times. 

 

He dies more often than he doesn’t die in the 14,000,605 battles—the man has a sacrifice complex that Strange wants to beat out of him. When the odds get narrower as the timeline comes to its end, Tony throws himself into the fight harder, like the inevitable conclusion will get farther away if he can hold off Thanos for one more second.

 

He never can.

 

And he always dies.

 

In the 26th rerun of time, Tony crouches behind a boulder, wildly assembling shrapnel from the ship. He’s making a bomb, and it’s the first time that Tony has deviated from his original plan. He doesn’t have time to move before the moon descends upon Titan, and not even Stephen, with the might of the stone, can save him. He is crushed, and the explosion rocks and cracks open the planet as if it were clay.

 

In the 52nd rerun of time, Tony dies in Thanos’s fist, the life choked out of him by the gauntlet. His suit helmet grinds one horrible, terrible time, and crumbles inwards like a tin can. The boy—Peter—screams. He is quickly dispatched, and Stephen himself dies, lying next to the boy’s body.

 

Around the 141st rerun of time, Tony tries to speak to him. Before Thanos arrives, Tony looks at Stephen, and Stephen can tell that the shorter man has words perched on the tip of his tongue. To make this easier on himself, Stephen keeps his head turned away. He cannot get attached. This man was going to die, again and again, until Stephen could find a way that the stones were safe. The man with the sideburns—Quill, as he’s heard from when his friends scream for him as they die—beckons Stark over with a verbal jab, reminding him of their plan. Tony reluctantly leaves Stephen’s side as he sits on the rock, going to wait in his position. He doesn’t die in that universe, but his Peter does, and the stones are destroyed.

 

Barely two cycles later, Stark begins to speak to him. At first, it’s nothing but wisecracks—asking Stephen from where he got his degrees, mocking his serious attitude. Stephen can’t help but jab back, giving a scathing remark about Tony’s glib attitude. Tony’s eyes are alive with challenge as he counters, and the glint in his eye is intoxicating, if not infuriating. Strange can’t help but grin back, feeling as if he’s lost and won in equal measure. That cycle, Quill dies first. Tony dies holding Peter.

 

Only powerful beings are capable of recognizing the passage of time, and Thanos is none the wiser as now no one waits for him as he arrives on Titan. Tony is pressed against Stephen’s side as they wait in the remains of the ship, and Stephen is confused. It’s the…379th run, and Tony gets cockier and more familiar. His eyes never leave Stephen’s face as he waits for the signal. He remembers nothing but he’s more tactile, no longer standing yards away. Stephen feels oddly, inexplicably, like he has a brother in arms as he charges into another futile battle. They both die.

 

Tony Stark’s deaths only get more and more painful as the cycles continue. On his 1,276th battle, his limbs are shredded by the power stone. He does not scream. On his 3,589th battle, his life ends as the world does, his hands turning into dust as Peter and Stephen run to him, unable to reach him before he dissolves into nothing. On his 4,237th battle, he and Mantis die together, an unlikely sacrifice as Thanos holds their limp bodies, one in each hand. 

 

On his 1,533,699th battle, he holds the decapitated head of Peter Parker in his hands, and screams. His sharp, wild cries ring loud in Stephen’s ears long after the clock has been rewound. 

 

Stephen has been soaked in Tony’s blood so many times that he is amazed when his hands become clean and spotless once more as the Time Stone unweaves the threads of time. Some stains don’t wash away, but you could never tell.

 

Tony has long since been telling Stephen about his life. Before the battles, he and Stephen get barely minutes of reprieve before they must be launched into action again. But Tony sits, or stands, or kneels, or leans, and tells Stephen about his friends, his almost-family, his life after the reactor, and of course—his fiancée.

 

Tony talks of Pepper Potts often. To say “often,” frankly, is a major understatement. It is clear the man holds unwavering respect for the woman, and discusses their plans for the wedding. Stephen listens with feigned disinterest. Pepper Potts dies in almost every timeline he has created. Whether in the snap or in the months afterwards, she is dead. Tony talks bashfully about his plans to build her a house.

 

About the 4,568,374th time, Tony stops talking about Pepper. He listens, as Stephen tells him his long, tragic backstory. They always pick up where they left off, like clockwork. Tony never initiates it, but listens or begins to talk around the point where they left off. Stephen is perplexed, but finds that Stark is an okay conversation partner, for the end of the world.

 

Tony dies  _ for _ people more than any other individual on Titan. Peter follows him, a couple thousand behind, followed by Mantis. He dies for the boy more than anyone, but dies for Stephen a disconcerting and terrible amount. Stephen can forget none of them as his limbs are sheared off, as his mind is driven mad, and as his body is used against him. Tony looks in his eyes every time—every goddamn time—and Stephen can never look away. God, we wants to look away.

 

Watching the man die becomes harder and harder. Against his better judgement, Strange can’t be apathetic as he watches the man he has grown to know go limp. By the 5,924,732nd time, he can’t deny that he cares. The Mind Stone has been used against Peter, and the boy mindlessly attacks again and again. Tony barely defends himself. When Peter becomes cognizant once more and opens his mouth in a wail, Stephen turns back time immediately. He doesn’t want to hear the noise.

 

Damn him and damn Stark, but Strange genuinely likes the man. In another life, a million miles away from here, Strange can imagine them grow up together, although admittedly, they could never get along. Stephen wonders if this is the only way he could ever get to know Tony Stark, as he dies over and over again. 

 

It isn’t until Tony finally dies in Stephen’s arms in the 6,198,475th battle that Stephen is forced to admit that he cares a little too much. Tony is…an enigma. He is entirely unique, and Stephen doesn’t know if he’ll ever meet another man as infuriating and enduringly good as Tony Stark. Tony isn’t in pain as he dies in his arms—Stephen makes sure of that. Tony dies for him in the next six timelines.

 

Stephen always feels gutted afterwards, as if he has lost a part of himself, just for a moment. When Tony’s brown eyes greet him on the other end of the green lattice, Stephen slumps in relief.

 

“There’s something about you, Strange,” Tony admits as explosions buffet the ground. “I know you from somewhere.” The moon kills him again, and Stephen prays—for the first time in a decade—that it is instantaneous. 

 

When Tony dies for the 6,728,481st time, he dies held by both Peter and Stephen, and they comfort each other as the shadows of three moons begins to fall.

 

In one of the rare times they both live past the battle, Strange waits, and searches for Thanos. Tony aids him, in anyway he knows how. Pepper is dead. When they meet Thanos again, Tony pulls Strange down for a wild, desperate kiss before Tony is split apart by Thanos’s blast. Stephen barely registers the feel of his mouth, and cannot help but sob as he is forced up by faceless teammates and pushed back into war. The stones perish in the battle. Stephen, now for a different reason, is grateful to be able to unwind time once more. 

 

Turning time back is as easy as breathing now, for he inhales the putrid scent of iron and exhales hope. The threads to this day, this hour, this moment are so well-worn they are threadbare and frayed. Stephen slides his fingers over them again and again, the cool sting they provide a close friend. 

  
Tony Stark kisses him. And Stephen, when he can, kisses him back. More often than not, they’re not romantic or tender. They’re desperate, tear-soaked, and shaky. Tony turns to press a kiss against Stephen’s bloody cheekbone as they lie, broken, side by side and wait for the end. Stephen, shaking so hard he feels as if his bones are rattling apart, presses a tear-traced kiss against Tony’s temple as his blank eyes blink for the last time. They crash against each other as Thanos snaps again, a hopeless kiss frantically passed between them, teeth clacking and noses pressed painfully into each other. Stephen dissolves that time, and the look on Tony’s face before Stephen can see nothing at all is wretched. 

 

They never last long, and they’re never-- _ never _ \--enough.  

  
7,954,567th. That’s the time Tony kills Stephen. The mind stone possesses him, and Thanos watches triumphantly as Tony blasts a hole through Peter’s torso. Stephen can’t stop him. Tony turns his blue--horribly, unnaturally blue--eyes on Stephen, and he knows how this must end. When Tony pushes him to the ground, a sharp boulder underneath him stabs through his shoulder and he can’t help the cry of pain. Tony leans over him, charging his hand blaster for the final kill. The blast goes through his sternum, and slowly--painfully--Tony comes back to his senses as Stephen dies underneath him. He cries, and presses kisses to his face that Stephen wishes he could reciprocate. But soon he can feel nothing at all. As if through a filmy window, Strange watches the fallout. Tony breaks off his engagement and falls into an intense depressive state. Thanos destroys the stones, because so much unrest plagues the Avengers. From afar, Stephen reaches for the threads of time tightening between him and the crumpled form of Tony.

 

The longest time they’re ever together, they lose on Titan. They travel home through Stephen’s portal, and Peter’s legs are a mangled and broken mess. Stephen does what he can to stem the bleeding, but even his vast knowledge cannot repair the nerves lost. The doctors have to amputate Peter’s legs, and Tony, shaking so hard that every exhale is a stutter, vows to help him in every way he can. Stephen is there, always, helping the two recover. His hands cover Tony’s on Peter’s frail chest, and the two wait in silence. Stephen returns with Tony to the Avengers base, and only Bruce Banner waits for them. All the other turned into ash. Stark falls to his knees, unable to comprehend the weight of what he has lost. Months and months pass and the three search for Thanos unendingly. Tony, in the hours he’s not spent in front of his holographic tracking device, he’s assembling versatile robotic legs for Peter. Strange gives him support, and help although he knows nothing about robotics. He knows about the human body though, and the two present them to a sobbing Peter in the hospital. 

 

Two weeks later, Stephen dies in Thanos’s home, inches away from preventing the destruction of the stones. Tony holds him, and begs him not to leave. Stephen tells him he won’t. But he does. 

 

The only time Strange lays a single hand on Tony Stark, the man is driven mad by the reality stone. He screams until he is hoarse with horrors Stephen cannot even imagine. He calls for Pepper, Peter, and a man named Steve as he stumbles blindly through the rocky terrain. He attacks his own teammates blindly, and they are  _ so close _ to defeating Thanos  _ finally _ that Stephen knows he just needs to hold him down just for a second,  _ just for an instant _ . Stephen pins him with shining ropes of glowing magic, and in Tony’s foggy eyes, there is a second of recognition, and small rasp of “Stephen?” before Drax--unbidden, unasked, unwanted, _ stop stop stop _ \--cuts his head off. Stephen falls out of the air, shock and horror knocking him off balance, and Thanos wins once more. 

 

However they were going to defeat Thanos, they needed this gorgeous, infuriating, and valiant man.    
  
The timelines begin to blur incomprehensibly together, only snippets of tragedy giving the mess of scenes any meaning. Stephen and Tony fall together, fall apart, and fall into each other over and over and over again until Stephen’s only thought is getting the man out of this loop. Almost every loop now is closer and closer to the end of Thanos, and the battles become shorter and shorter.    
  
Then, Stephen sees it. The End.

 

He knows how the struggle with Thanos needs to end.

 

When he comes into consciousness this time, he falls to the ground, and he cries out. He is back in his own time. Tony--alive, breathing, unscathed, and beautiful--catches him, a lone hand pressing over Stephen’s chest. He talks Stephen down from his frenzied state easily, the words--although he doesn’t know it--familiar and oft-used. Stephen tells him how many lives he’s lived in just what must have been seconds to them. His voice cracks.    
  


Stephen, when he dies this time, knows that he will be back. He is only grateful that he doesn't have to witness Peter die, as he feels his body slide apart. He calls Tony’s name, one last time, and in an instant, as Tony’s rich brown eyes blown apart in shock and loss, millions of hours pass between them. Kisses, slow and fast, desperate and tender. Months and months and months of life together. But Tony blinks, and the cognizance is gone.    
  
“It was the only way.” He rasps, and when his body becomes light and he slips away, it is a hard-fought relief.

 

Doctor Stephen Strange watches Tony Stark die 9,465,892 times. 

 

And in order to save the universe, he only has to do it

 

One. 

 

M o r e. 

 

T  i m  e.

**Author's Note:**

> yeah, i'm not really sorry
> 
> i thrive off of angst
> 
> drop a comment or a kudos to let me know what you thought!!


End file.
